Nervensäge
A total saw on my nerves
when I first met you.
Even so,
I knew.
We were destined for greatness,
a friendship unmatched.
For we had a connection,
from a lifetime,
in the past.
Our friendship grew,
and I called you one of my best.
I loved you
You loved me
We loved eachother so differently.
A kind and sweet
Compassionate human,
You were a friend,
That was hard to beat.
I miss that man,
The man you used to be.
A best friend,
A man who was there for me.
Time went on,
your heart ran cold.
Consumed by anger and your fears,
You've turned into someone
who brings me to tears.
You used to make me laugh,
so hard I would cry.
I loved when you told me
We were conjoined twins,
You hated why.
My love for you was not the same,
You wanted more,
You thought I played games.
Honesty is all I know
I've told you how I feel
I wish you understood
I wish you knew what was real.
You told me I was lying
I didn't know the truth
For what you knew,
I was meant to be with you.
I know in my heart,
we were not meant to be.
Not friends
Not lovers
Not you and me.
Over a year has passed
Since that fateful day
When you told me
You loved me a very specific way.
I had wished things were different
I had wished my feelings were the same
Now I am grateful
I felt a different way.
I was a whore for your attention
Playing hard to get.
Afraid of my feelings,
Most stubborn person you've met.
I was showered with gifts,
Asked out nearly everyday.
I just wanted it,
To all go away.
I asked you to stop.
I told you no.
I asked you to
Let Me Go.
An explosion of love,
I was smothered in compliments,
Suffocating, I couldn't get above.
Because I awkwardly giggled
No one saw anything wrong
I felt uncomfortable
We all let it go on.
Outsiders talked,
accused me of lying.
"No one puts that much
into a friendship"
"She was angry when she heard you got laid"
"She giggles and laughs and she's flirty too"
No one understood me,
not even you.
Friendships are investments,
into the humans that I love,
I hold them to the high up,
High up above.
A misunderstanding,
During an untimely situation,
A rumor grew,
Without fluctuation.
What that person did not understand,
is that you were the man,
who never wanted to discuss
what wasn't between us.
If I went on a date,
or you did too,
It wasn't a topic,
we talked about
between me and you.
Flirty by nature,
kind and giggly too,
This is a part of who I am,
I thought everyone knew.
The one day,
He got into my brain.
Telling me I'm awful,
and worst friend ever.
I don't know how he did it
it wasn't clever.
He told me I crossed
his boundaries everyday,
That I never respected him,
I was only here to play.
I broke down,
Into pieces I went.
Full of self doubt,
and heart break to boot,
I cried and I cried,
until my voice was mute.
It took a good friend
and a beautiful sister too.
They reminded me who I am,
They got out the glue.
I was shocked to see
How far I had fallen.
How small
How fragile
How broken I felt.
No matter how much I cared,
The few happy moments we most recently shared.
I knew that distance,
Would be required,
It was time for this friendship
to be retired.
I started to keep my distance
more and more,
Some how he still thought
any moment
I'd walk through his door.
When he gets angry,
he blacks out.
He puffs his chest
towering over you,
screaming
yelling
cussing about.
He doesn't know
how scary he can be,
everytime he yells
he terrifies me.
Will it go beyond the emotional abuse?
Will those fists get put to use?
Fear is what I felt,
repeatedly
for he spent a couple of weeks
yelling at me.
My danger system triggered,
My chronic pain back
How do I get through this
I can't back track.
For a moment I thought,
he was gone from my life.
Can this be right?
That moment was fleeting,
he was here to stay.
Frustrated and angry,
I wanted him to go away.
Yet here I sit,
Longing for my friend.
I miss the man,
who came to an end.
I never thought we'd be here,
In this crazy mess we made.
Taking turns hurting eachother,
Throwing shade.
No one's ever loved me,
Like you do.
Completly,
unconditionally,
relentlessly too.
You are the sun,
I'm in love with the moon.
I'm so sorry,
I never meant to hurt you.